Many, many years ago, I first got my hands on the book “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I read it breathlessly. It is a very practical book, which talks about the 5 ways we can show our love for our partner.
Later, Gary Chapman and his wife wrote a book about how the languages of love work for children and how can you love them using "their language". Basically, each of us has a way of feeling loved and if it is not shown to us in the way we feel, then we consider that the other person does not love us because he fails to communicate his love to us.
Because I want to be a mother who speaks her child's language and who knows how to communicate her love, I have studied this subject quite a lot.
And the list goes on and on. That is why it is important to know the 5 love languages, to identify them correctly in the lives of our children and to learn to "speak" that language.
It is usually easiest for us to show our affection the way we would like to receive it. Therefore, communicating your child's love is not a standard way, but requires a little analysis and a little effort on your part, as a parent.
But don’t forget! It’s worth it! Because a child who feels loved by his parents will develop harmoniously and will gain self-confidence.
So, let's see what are the children’s five love languages, how do we identify them and how do we "speak" them?
1. Words of affirmation
If this is the main language through which your child perceives love, then what you say will be very important to him. These children are the most affected by the mentality that we show them love, not tell them (for example: "Isn't it enough that I put food on the table and a roof over their heads? Why do I have to tell them that I love them?”). It is very important for these children to be encouraged, each "Bravo" gives them wings and makes them move forward with new strength.
On the other hand, these children will remember all their life the harsh words and the tone and it will have a terrible impact on them.
So, if you notice that for your child an "I love you" you said is worth more than anything, or that a sincere compliment gives him wings, then surely he perceives love through words of affirmation.
Be Careful! These children are usually defined by their parents' words. I mean, they believe what they are told about them. If they are told good things that confirmed they are loved, they will flourish, but if their parents tell them only the negative things they see in them, it will follow them all their lives and they will define themselves as such.
How can you "speak" the language of this child?
- tell him daily "I love you"
- give him sincere compliments, really based on his qualities, not just thrown away, to check the list
"Speak to him in a gentle tone."
- Write him something you appreciate about him (if he can read, obviously :))
- Tell him how grateful you are for him
- basically, verbally express your appreciation and love for him whenever the opportunity arises!
2. Quality time
Children who perceive love proportionally to the time you spend with them, need you next to them both physically and mentally, as much as possible. All children need time spent with their parents, but these children need much more time. It is important for them to have your full attention. So it doesn't matter if you take him bowling, if you're actually on your phone. But it does matter when you put the phone aside and look him straight in the eye when you are together. It’s very important to be present, to have activities together and to make it a priority to be alone with him.
So, if it is important for your child to be with him, he asks you not to leave him too much time alone, it energises him and binds him more to you than anything else, the time spent together, then definitely this is his main love language.
Here are some ideas to show your child that you love him or her:
- Face-to-face discussions on various topics. Avoid the phone!
- Go to a picnic, or to the zoo or mall together
- Make up a story together
- Read together
- Volunteer together
- In short, whatever activity you choose, you must be 100% involved and present and spend a beautiful time with your child, creating memories.
3. Physical touch
Does your baby always ask to be carried in your arms, even when he’s 5 years old? He wants you to stay as close to him as possible. He wants you to nest on the couch together in front of the TV and kissing you 50 times a day. When you read a book, he would just sit in your arms and look at you slyly from time to time, nestling even harder next to you.
It's clear! He perceives love through the physical affection you show him.
Here are some ideas that may help you, but mostly, you should not miss any opportunity to hug, kiss or caress him:
Hug him as many times a day as possible.
Cuddle him whenever you get the chance.
Walk hand in hand.
Tickle him.
And never forget the good night kiss.
4. Acts of Service
Does your child love to help others and loves to do things with you? Does she like to clean, wants to help you prepare lunch or does she love to go shopping?
Well, then his language is acts of service. That is, he/she feels loved when you do something practical for him/her.
Here are some ideas on how you can show your love this way:
- Help him with homework
- Encourage him in what he does, praise him for the things he did well and don't add even more work to him without showing him that you appreciate what he has already done
- Let him help you with what you have to prepare. Give her chores for lunch, for cleaning, but do things together.
- In short, "work" together and find ways to help someone, spending time together.
5. Receiving Gifts
For children who feel loved by receiving gifts, it is more about the thought behind the gift than the gift itself. I mean, it matters more to them that you thought of taking something for them, on a special occasion. For this type of child, it matters that you made an effort to get him something he would like, that you thought about his wishes, analysed and did not throw in there a gift that you like, but something you know he would like.
Here are the interaction ideas in this case:
Go out for an ice cream (if he likes ice cream a lot)
Make him a toy yourself.
Because these children not only like to receive, but also to give, choose from his toys and give together
A child who loves gifts will often give you small gifts. Never ignore them, show him that you are happy and appreciate the effort.
Coloured stickers or rewards work very well.
In short, pay attention to what he would like to receive, do not miss the opportunities (big or small) to give him a gift and show him that you appreciate his efforts to give.
Did you already know about the five languages of love for children? Do you find them useful? What love language does your child have and what methods do you use to communicate with him?
Ps: As I was writing this article, I kept thinking about how good it would have been for each child to come up with a set of instructions, telling you everything about him and everything you need to do to "come out" good". But then we would be missing all the fun. It would not be a relationship, in which you seek to discover what he likes and what he does not and who is actually your baby, but he would be just another task, from your huge list of things to do. So, let's enjoy each stage :)
